Ran Into God

David Gans

I ran into God a coupla weeks ago
Sittin’ at the bar just before my show
She looks exactly like a female version of me. It’s uncanny.
We got to talkin’ about this’n’that.
Her heart is broken; she’s been laid out flat
Things just didn’t work out the way she planned
It breaks my heart to see my intentions twisted
I’d kick some foolish ass if only I existed”

She said, “I liked you humans better when the wheel was high-tech
You’re gonna leave this place a smokin’ wreck”
I said to her, “What the hell are you lookin’ at me for? I recycle.”
She said, “In my imagination this was built to last
It makes me sad to see you use it up so fast
Driving them Belchfires til the air falls out of the sky

She said, “I love people more than I probably should
You’ve got some crazy ideas about evil and good
Compassion’s out of fashion all around the world
Fundies with their undies in a permanent twist
Don’t they know the heathen have a right to exist
Human nature cannot be denied (and shouldn’t have to)
I meant to lay down the law but I got stoned and missed it
I’d forgive my own sins if only I existed”

And God said, “I’ve been the victim of identity theft
Spiritual robber barons right and left
Ridin’ to church on Sunday in their stretch humvees
Telling everybody who to fear and loathe
Never mind the people they could feed and clothe
And claimin’ that the namin’ of their demons is the word of me
They keep callin’ even though my phone’s unlisted
I’d leave them a message if only I existed

“Some think I’m like Geppetto with his whittling knife
Crafting each and every individual life
It’s such a narcissistic notion of the way things work
(And who they work for)
I made this world you’re ridin’ on in less than a day
I’ve cranked out several million, each unique in its way
Set ’em down and put ’em in spin, and gave nature the deed
Now faith is trying to snuff out reason and you’ve got to resist it
I’d give you some help with that if only I existed.”

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